.jpg)
"It's not my fault! Her 'ta-tas' were in my face!" my friend insisted. I scowled at him indignantly. I couldn't believe it! I mean, this kind of behavior was understandable in an unsaved guy, but he was a Christian for goodness' sake! As we walked away, he yanked on my arm. "There! Over there! That's her," he urged and directed my attention to a girl on my right. I turned to look, and lo and behold: Her "ta-tas" - as he'd so elegantly described them - were staring me straight in the face! The girl's too-small tank top sported a v-neck so low that it strained to keep from spilling out breasts undoubtedly somewhere between a double-D and a triple-X. Horrified, I could do no more than stare, as my friend threw me a look that said, So who's the victim now?
As Christians we're often quick to caution men, especially, against lust. However, when all things are considered, how much of their behavior is really their fault? Can we blame a man for staring at a female's "juicy" behind when in bold letters across her backside is literally the word "Juicy?" It is no mystery that when it comes to attraction men are more visually enticed. How much of a responsibility then - if any at all - should a woman assume in causing a man to lust?
When it comes down to the dirt, every person is responsible for his own thoughts and actions (2 Corinthians 5:10.) However, we each have some responsibility for one another as well (2 Corinthians 6:3.) The apostle Peter admonishes women that our beauty should not be merely external but a matter of attitude as well as spirit; for those qualities are what please the Lord (1 Peter 3:3-4.) The idea, however, is not that we shouldn't look visually appealing but that our physical beauty should not be all our worth.
In other words, I'm not saying that women should look like "Frumpy-Francine!" By all means, ladies, put on some makeup! Do your hair! If we know that men are attracted by physical beauty, then of course, it makes sense to present ourselves in a way that is physically appealing. However, as with anything, there must be limitations. Sporting a cute dress that compliments our eyes is great! Flaunting a skirt that reveals our "Goodness and Mercies," as a friend of mine puts it, is not!
Keep in mind: "Beautiful" is a very different concept from "sexy." "Beautiful" can refer to anything that delights the senses, in other words, anything that appeals to the sight and also the mind. "Sexy," on the other hand, relates to anything that explicitly causes sexual thoughts. As women of God, we should always aim for beauty. "Sexy," however, is something that we should reserve for our husbands. After all, we should only want to inspire sexual thoughts in our marriage partner and no one else!
If you are unsure whether or not you are "Boasting Beauty" or "Licensing Lust," take the quiz below. Hopefully, it will help you better ensure that you rightly portray the beautiful woman of God that you are!
Quiz
1. You notice in the mirror just before you leave the house that in natural light your skirt is somewhat see-through. You...
a. ...run back upstairs and change. You have other, more appropriate skirts in your wardrobe that are just as fabulous.
b. ...make up your mind to walk with your legs close together. That way you'll be less exposed and your thighs will get a good workout in the process. Besides, it'll get darker soon anyway.
c. ...ignore it and head out the door. Whoever looks will look - it's not your problem if they're nasty!
2. You're out shopping and you find a fabulous dress! Only, when you try it on, you notice the "V" at the front drops kind of low. You...
a. ...put the dress back and search for another one that's less revealing but equally glam.
b. ...buy the dress and vow to remember to put a pin in it.
c. ...buy the dress and wear it as is - Eat your heart out, Beyonce!
3. You're busy greeting people in church, looking fly as ever, but as you turn around, your friend discloses that your panty-lines are showing. You...
a. ...borrow your friend's cardigan and jokingly thank her for helping you stay "cute" but "saved!"
b. ...dip, dodge and duck to keep your back facing away from the congregation as much as possible. Just because the preacher says "All rise" doesn't mean you have to!
c. ...ignore her and strut your stuff. After all, "Ms. Holier-than-thou" is always hatin' on you. Besides, you didn't buy that jeweled thong for nothing!
Quiz results
Mostly A's: "Boasting Beautiful!" - Congrats! You know how to be fly and fabulous without flaunting all your personal goods. Keep it up, you beautiful woman of God!
Mostly B's: "Sending Sexy Signals!" - Beware! Though you exert some effort to monitor your look, you need to be more purposeful about shunning the "sexy" and embracing the "beautiful." Here's a new wardrobe rule for you to live by: If in doubt, throw it out!
Mostly C's: "Licensing Lust" - 911! Your wardrobe has fled the realm of the "Fabulous" and entered the sphere of the "Floozy!" Beware that your outfits don't entice others to lust! If you aim for modesty, you'll give your inner beauty more room to shine!
*If you have any comments or stories to share, feel free to contact Crystal at confessionsofabav@yahoo.com. Also, look out for her upcoming book release Confessions of a Born-again Virgin fall/winter 2010. God bless you!
as christian man I personaly believe that even if we catch a glimpse of a woman dressing inapropiate, we should try our best not to lust. But I also believe that women should not wear outfits that shows their goodness and mercies lol...
ReplyDeleteThe effort of remaining holy has to come from both sides.A woman should be considerately careful of how much skin she shows and where. A man should make it a point to look in a woman's eyes even if her shirt is playing peek-a-boobies.
ReplyDeletevery nice crystal......as a guy trying to not lust after girls....all of what you wrote happens all the time and is a constant struggle for all guys.....I don't know one guy that if he sees the word "Juicy" across a girls upper portion of her legs that his eyes are not drawn to that.....if anyone knows of a guy who doesn't do that send him my way so I can ask him some questions.
ReplyDeletei love this.. keep up the awesome work crystal.. looking foward to the book...
ReplyDeletei agree that it should be a shared responsibility because church does not = christian nor does it = mature christian. what is does = is a place where various peop...le gather that are on different levels of their walk with God. so that mature brother may have the strength to turn away but that newly saved brother may not. vice versa that mature sister may know to keep the top button fastened and wear a slip but that newly saved sister is still at that come as you are phase of her walk. we all have to be "our brothers/sisters keepers" and be mindful that everyone has their own struggles and as christians we may want to stand out and be individuals with what we wear etc but that name christian means that we are indeed supposed to be giving up self will and becoming embassadors for Christ.. as a female i know the need to feel attractive. I also know what it is to be bored with my look and want to spice it up but at the same time i still get into forever 21 and hear the still small voice say " to short, to tight". now i wont lie and say i always listen but i will say that i always aim to maintain classy playful youthful style without the seduction. and im sure Tennyson will hate this but THANK GOD FOR TIGHTS..LOL
AND.. if we aint talking church wear.. we should still dress with dignity when we are in the streets cause #1 we say we are saved..(and you are judged on your words vs your action) #2 folks are just crazy ( we live in a twisted world where rape, murder, theft etc is increasing.. ) in other words you never know whats gonna happen so CLOTHE YOURSELF FOR THE BATTLE..
@veretas: I think you raise a very important point about each person's level of maturity in Christ. We should definitely be careful that even if someone does present themselves in a way that we think is "sending sexy signals" or even "licensing lust" we don't condemn them but rather lovingly, delicately and PRAYERFULLY, address them. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDelete@Aaron and A.M.E: I HEAR you! I marvel at the level of self-restraint that must be required of men, especially of Christian men, and ESPECIALLY during the summertime when the fashionable look is pretty-much "stark-naked." A pastor of mine used to say, "You cannot blame a man for looking once, but whether or not he looks again is up to him!" Don't beat yourselves up if you do have that initial, "I couldn't help myself" glance, but more importantly, pray that God will shield your heart as well as your eyes so that you won't do a double take when, as Jaz so wonderfully put it, a girl's shirt plays "peek-a-boobies." (Love that, Jaz!) Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDelete@ Venessa i do agree with you on the fact that we are at different levels in our Christian walk but my assuption was that in the note(Crystal) was refering to a Mature Christian Male. Your right if he is a Mature Christian Male he should have the strength to turn away but if he is newly saved watch out! lol...Also, if it is a newly saved sister she might not think her clothing is inappropriate. Overall, its not as cut and dry as it may seem so I see how both male and female are responsible. Thanks for sharing your views.
ReplyDeleteHey Crystal,
ReplyDeleteGreat post. So, what is your perspective on women in the entertainment industry, or even female athletes who have "uniforms" that show off a lot of skin? Sure, popstars come to mind, but also models, and even olympic runners and beach volleyball players! Do you put that in a different category? Would you say that depending on the context and intention of the "wearer," that there can be some leeway in notions of appropriate Christian dress? B/C even from a casual perspective, people that would NEVER walk down the street with a short skirt on will wear a bikini at the beach (which is just like being almost naked...), ya dig? Would love to hear your thoughts!
Hey, Dorandolph! You pose some very interesting questions. I would say that in every situation Christians should be more circumspect than would most non-believers. The fact is we are not just representing ourselves - we are also representing Christ. So when it comes to uniforms, if the attire is worn for the sport, then okay (e.g. cheerleading, beach vb, acting a part in a play or movie, etc.) However, don't go outside on your day off wearing your "uniform" and think it's okay! As for the skimpy costumes many female popstars in particular wear, most of them do not profess Christianity, so they may not hold themselves to the same standards as we do. Many feel free to wear whatever they want, regardless of how much skin they show. However, I believe once a singer professes Christianity, his or her clothing should always be reflective of that confession. Now, for the bikini issue: if it's a thong, it's always wrong! Other than that, I say try to find a comfortable medium. Don't go to the beach wearing boots and a sweater and claim you're trying to be chaste! That's not chastity - that's insanity! On the same hand, don't wear a bikini with all of your "ladies" spilling out! The word is "swimsuit," after all, and implies a suit that is meant for swimming. If your beach attire makes swimming difficult either for too much or too little material, then perhaps it is time to reassess the look. Hope this helps, and thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the response, BAV. I know you're a very stylish lady, so are there any style tips--either by way of celebs that always dress to the nines, or any Bronx fashion wisdom for us ladies that want to look cute and nice, but not show our "goodness and mercy"? What can we do to stand out--in a good way? Thanks!
ReplyDeleteV5, for life!