The Ex-Factor...

So here you are - years later, and you've finally moved on. That guy/girl is history. You've left the pain of the past behind you. You're feeling fine and ready to press forward. Then you get that phone call/voice mail/email/text message/tweet/Facebook poke from "you-know-who," and in an instant, your oh-so-perfect-world is a steaming hot mess! Your strong sense of self has turned into mush, and the realization dawns that perhaps you haven't quite moved on. It's the "ex-factor," and almost all of us can relate. How do you know when you've really gotten over someone? How do you know when it's time to move on? Here are some suggestions from my own experience. Some of them may seem obvious, but hey! - There's a reason they say that "love is blind!" You Know You've Gotten Over Someone When... 1. You don't call (or want to call) him twice a day, everyday. 2. You don't think or daydream about her 24/7 (or any fraction close to that.) 3. You don't bring up his name repeatedly in conversation for no apparent reason at all. (Example - Friend: "I'm going to have a piece of cake." You: "You know, Johnny likes cake...") 4. You don't pray this prayer anymore: "God, if it's Your Will, please let this be..." 5. You can see her with someone else and not wish Psalm 139:19 upon her (or the person she's with!) You Know It's Time to Move On When... 1. The person is with someone else. (Seriously. This should be obvious, but Lord, I'm a witness!) 2. The person is married. (Please see above.) 3. You've been with the person for more than 5 years, but he or she can't imagine marrying you. [Or...you could wait 5 more years. Maybe they'll change their mind...(roll eyes)] 4. The person has moved and neglected to tell you where they've gone. (Subtle hint? I think not.) 5. You were told that the person unfortunately passed away, but then you run into them unexpectedly in a supermarket a few years later. (Enough said!) Seriously, guys! Trust me, girls! God has something fabulous in store for you! You deserve God's best, so wait for God's best. Don't settle for "Mr./Mrs. All Right for Right Now!" If someone is not meant for you, it does not mean that something is wrong with you. It means that person is not meant for you! Drop the "X," and make room for the other letters in your relationship alphabet! You'll be glad when you do!

"You're a What?...A Born-Again Virgin?"

The Face: "Yeah," I respond. "Oh, wow! That's cool!" they say, but then they give me "The Face." "The Face" is the name I give to an expression that would suggest someone is really feeling what you have to say except for the slightly awkward positioning of the bottom lip, the noticeably higher lift of one eyebrow, and the tendency to hold the entire expression just a little too long. In any case, what they're really thinking is a lot less like, "That's cool," and something more along the lines of, "I knew she was a bit off." It's okay. I don't hold it against them. It's not that most people can't wrap their minds around the concept of born-again virginity. Many just don't know what it is. So in an effort to spare you the inevitable need for Botox injections from giving me "The Face," I'm going to attempt to explain to you just what born-again virgins (B.A.V.s) are. What Are B.A.V.s?: B.A.V.s are people who have lost their virginity but have decided, after accepting Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior (i.e. being "born-again"), to remain abstinent until marriage. By "remaining abstinent" I mean abstaining from sexual intercourse and various levels of sexual activity. By "various levels of sexual activity," I mean things like extreme kissing, heavy petting, "dry-humping" (please don't make me explain that one), and other activities that are usually precursors to sex. The Logistics: Born-again virginity does not refer to regaining your physical status as a virgin. As a B.A.V., your hymen* (the membrane that blocks the entrance to the vagina in most virgins) does not grow back. Believe me, as delirious of an idea as it may sound, I've actually had some people ask me that. I know that we sometimes sweetly call the vagina a "flower;" however, there are no magical seeds that will make the vagina's hymen sprout again. Once you lose your virginity, you can never (naturally or physically) get it back. There are some who go to the extreme and get a replacement hymen surgically inserted into their vagina. However, apart from that procedure, the hymen will not return. The concept of born-again virginity is more of a spiritual one. It refers to a decision made with the help of the Holy Spirit to honor God by consecrating your body. *Also, I mention the breaking of the hymen because for women the loss of our virginity is a more marked process than it is for men. In most cases when we have sex for the first time, a part of our body is physically broken as we are "entered" by the man. This demonstrates that we have broken our physical covenant with God and entered into a new physical covenant with our husband. However, even without the marked physical evidence, men are still as accountable for entering and keeping that covenant relationship as women. When that covenant is entered outside of marriage, the man is held just as liable in the eyes of God. Why Become A B.A.V.?: The Bible lets us know that sex is to be reserved for ultimate enjoyment within a marriage. In other words, if you are married, I wish you lots of fantastic sex (provided that it's with your spouse, of course!) However, if you are not married, then sex is not for you. Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge." "Fornicators" is a fancy word for people who engage in consensual sex outside of marriage. If you are fornicating, or willingly having sex outside of a marriage covenant, you are going against God's will for your life. But It's So Hard!... I know!!! And in a wonderful and perfect world, we would all just do what God says the first time around and live happily ever after. But come on! If Adam and Eve threw Paradise away for a delicious piece of fruit, could you really imagine having 100% compliance with something as tantalizing as sex? However, God is a forgiving God, and He says that "if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things [are] passed away; behold, new things have come." This means that when we accept Jesus Christ, we become new. We no longer do the things we used to do. Having sex outside of marriage is one of these things. It's not enough for us to say, "Well, God knows that I'm imperfect and that I have no choice but to sin," or "I messed up too many times already. I may as well just keep doing it." Once you're in Christ, you can get it right! Understand, I'm not saying that you can erase what you've done. What I am saying is that God can erase what you've done. I know it can be hard to refrain from having sex (believe me, sex is everywhere!) But with God all things are possible, and rest assured that the everlasting benefits of obeying God's command will far exceed the momentary pleasures of going against it!